


What About Alex?

by Multifandomx



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex's Parents Are Homophobic (Julie and The Phantoms), Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Good Significant Other Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Homophobic Slurs, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Violence, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Self-Harm, Slurs, like a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27145471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandomx/pseuds/Multifandomx
Summary: Alex had always known he was a little bit different than any of the boys he was friends with, but he could never figure out why…until he was 11.
Relationships: Alex & Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 178





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags! If any of that triggers you, DO NOT READ!

Alex had always known he was a little bit different than any of the boys he was friends with, but he could never figure out why…until he was 11. In 6th grade Alex had been friends with a group of jocks, and one day a new guy moved into town. He was on the soccer team with a bunch of his other friends. Alex didn’t really play any sports, but he was always there supporting his friends. But this new guy, Christopher, gave Alex a whole new reason to go to their games. He and Chris became close friends fast. Alex had never felt so drawn to a person so quickly in his entire life. He got butterflies in his stomach anytime Chris would talk to him.

At the time he didn’t know what it meant, but he found out very soon after. On the first day of 7th grade when they all went over to hang out at their friend’s, Max, house after school. After a little while Alex realized there was a face missing. “Hey guys, where’s Ben?” He looked around the room silently asking anyone to answer. It was Max who answered.

Max let out a huff, “bro, I don’t know. He’s some sort of fag now. He started hanging out with all the theatre people.” They sat in silence as Alex soaked in this information.

Alex wasn’t sure he knew what that word meant, but asking would be embarrassing right? Not as embarrassing as if he were to use it wrong or something, though. “What does that mean?” He was looking directly at Max this time.

Max let out a small laugh, “oh you kill me dude. It means that he thinks dudes are hot. Like you know, how normal guys with girls are hot…its disgusting.” Everyone in the room nodded in agreement with Max’s statement, even Chris.

Alex felt his stomach drop slightly but tried to laugh along. After that the conversation went back to video games, or soccer, or something else. Alex wasn’t really paying attention anymore. He was silently having a crisis. Max said that normal boys thought girls were hot, but Alex cannot recollect a moment when he ever thought a girl was hot. That didn’t mean that he thought boys were hot though. He was only 12, there was plenty of time to develop a crush on a girl. That thought calmed Alex down, until Chris looked over at him and smiled his perfect smile; causing butterflies to erupt in Alex’s stomach.

It quickly turned into nausea when he connected the dots. He got butterflies every time Chris talked to him, or smiled, or even just looked at him. Alex felt like he was gonna throw up. He quickly stood up, “I gotta go. I promised my mom I would be home for dinner,” he lied to his friends.

Chris stood up, “I’ll come with you. My mom wants me home by 5 anyway.” Alex nodded stiffly. He and Chris said their goodbyes to their friends and began their walk home. They walked in silence; until Chris spoke up, “dude you good? You’ve been quiet ever since we talked about Ben. I know it’s gross, but it’s not like you’re a fag,” Chris laughed.

That stung but, Alex fake laughed again, “yeah, I’m fine. It’s just so gross it makes my stomach hurt.” Chris nodded, while Alex tried to hold back tears. Chris was his best friend, and he thought that was gross, and Alex was pretty sure he was that or something like that. They finished their walk in silence as they reached Alex’s house. He said goodbye to Chris as he made his way up the driveway.

Alex walked into his house, announcing to his mom he was home, and then running upstairs. He closed his bedroom door and flopped himself onto his bed. He couldn’t actually be like that. Alex had never done anything, majorly, wrong in his life. He didn’t want to be this way, but every time he thought of Chris his heart sped up. He could feel the tears threatening to fall. He tried hard to make sure they didn’t fall, because he would have to go to dinner any second.

At dinner he asked his parents about what it meant if a boy liked another boy. He learned a couple things. 1. The technical word was gay 2. It was a sin 3. He was never to ask questions like that again and 4. He was never to associate with them. He slowly nodded and apologized for asking.

That night Alex laid in bed silently crying to himself. Why did he have to be like this? Why couldn’t he just be normal? He became so frustrated he began to pull at his hair. It hurt, but it seemed to help him. It distracted him from the thoughts he was having, not only about himself, but also of Chris.

Slowly Alex began to distance himself from his friend group, especially Chris. This wasn’t that hard during school, because he was in all the advanced classes anyway. Every time they asked to hang out, he would come up with a different excuse. Eventually, they just stopped asking. So, now that Alex was presumably friendless, his thoughts got worse.

He would lay in bed at night thinking about how much of a failure he was to his family. He thought about how if anyone found out then they wouldn’t like him anymore. He thought about how he was going to have to spend the rest of his life alone. When he thought these things, he would pinch or dig his nails into his thighs so hard, sometimes, they would bleed. This cycle continued on for a while.

It was nearing November, so it was officially too cold to eat outside during lunch anymore. He didn’t have a lunch table in the cafeteria anymore, so when he got his tray, he stood looking out into the cafeteria for a minute deciding what to do.

Suddenly, someone knocked his shoulder with their own. He turned to find a boy with floppy brown hair and big brown eyes looking at him. “You can sit with me if you want to.” Alex knew of this boy, but they had never spoken. Alex just nodded his head as he was led to a table in the far back corner.

The two boys sat down and were quickly joined by two other boys. The one he recognized at Bobby Lane, who was in his advanced English class. But the other boy he didn’t recognize. “Hey Luke,” the boy who wasn’t Bobby said as he sat down. Bobby gave Alex a slight head nod, he reciprocated. “Who’s this?” The boy said after about 3 minutes of awkward silence.

Alex looked up embarrassed, “oh sorry, I’m Alex. Luke said I could sit with you guys,” he looked at the other two boys, who looked confused. “If you don’t want me to, it’s fine. I can go somewhere else.”

Alex began to stand up, “no! It’s aiight. I just know you were friends with Max and those guys,” he pointed behind him, “and I figured you wouldn’t really hang out with people like us,” the boy laughed. “Anyway, I’m Reggie,” he pointed to Bobby, “and this is-“

“I know Alex. He’s in my English class. ‘Sup man?” Bobby interrupted Reggie’s attempt at introducing him.

Alex smiled, “not much Bobby.” Bobby nodded. The rest of lunch was filled with conversation, mostly between the three boys, but Alex would jump in sporadically. That is how the rest of Alex’s year went. He began to hang out with the boys outside of school, usually at Bobby’s. He had also started self-harming less. Every once in a while, he would find himself thinking about a boy, or his loneliness and he would cave and swipe a sharp object across his wrist. He wore his pink hoodie most days, so no one thought it was weird when he wore it even during the hot months.

The rest of 7th grade went great and the boys only became closer over the summer. Almost always spending the night with each other, alternating houses, except Reggie’s. All of this came to a halt for Alex when one day while hanging out Luke threw his arm over Alex’s shoulder, sending jolts of electricity all over his body. Alex jerked away. Luke looked like he was about to apologize, but before he could Alex left the house.

He ran home in the middle of the night, from Bobby’s house, crying. He snuck up to his room as quietly as possible. When he sat down on his bed, he reached under the mattress pulling out his dad’s spare straight razor. He had stolen it, because of one night when Alex was in a really dark place, kind of like right now, and he was tired of using random objects. With every swipe of the razor across his wrist he muttered to himself, “fucking faggot.” *cut* “failure.” *cut* “They would all hate you in they knew.” *cut* “Worthless.” *cut* “Worthless.” *cut* “Worthless.” *cut*.

He stared at the blood as it ran down his arm and hand. He quickly picked up a tissue and wiped the razor off, before placing it back under his mattress. After, he made his way to the bathroom to clean himself up before going to sleep. That night he cried himself to sleep for the first time in a long time. Why was he like this? Why did he have to like Luke, too?

He began to avoid his friends, but unlike his last group, these boys did not give up. Eventually Luke was able to convince Alex to come to Bobby’s for an end of the summer/ Bobby’s 14th birthday sleepover. That night he was having so much fun he forgot why he had been avoiding them in the first place. That was until, Luke sat down next to him and their legs brushed, making Alex shudder. He jumped up again. This time Luke grabbed his wrist (the one without fresh cuts on it, thank god) before he could leave. “Dude, what is going on with you?” Luke just stared at him waiting for an answer. The other two boys had stopped what they were doing and were now looking at the two.

Instead of answering Alex started to tug to try and get away from Luke’s grasp, but he held tight. “Alex.” He stopped tugging and looked into Luke’s eyes. The eyes that he thought of at night when he cut himself, because of how much he loved them. “What is wrong?” Luke dropped Alex’s arm. Alex shrugged and sat back down where he was before. Luke sat down next to him, but with significant space between them.

Alex let out a shaky breath, “I…I can’t tell you.” He looked over at Luke. His eyes looked sad and Alex had caused that. “At least…I can’t tell you yet.” Luke nodded and looked back at Reggie and Bobby who were also nodding their heads.

Luke reached to put a hand on Alex’s shoulder, but thought better of himself and lowered his hand, “alright dude, but whatever it is, we’ll be here for you.” He gestured to himself, Bobby, and Reggie. Alex nodded. Luke smiled at him and the dread returned to him, knowing that they wouldn’t support him, but continued to nod along.

When school eventually started the boys had settled back into their normal routine, except Bobby had gotten a guitar for his birthday and since everyone else already had an instrument; they decided to form a band. Most of their after school and weekends were spent practicing, much to the dismay of Alex’s parents, because they had to hold rehearsals at their house, because of Alex’s drums. They were pretty bad at first, but by December they got into the rhythm of it and they weren’t half bad.

Alex had gotten a new set of drums for his birthday the previous month as a birthday/early Christmas present, and it was a nice drum set. Which meant their music sounded even better. On New Year’s Eve they decided to take a break from all the practicing they had been doing over winter break and just hang out in Bobby’s basement.

Everything was going really well that night. They had snacks and soda. They watched the ball drop at midnight with Bobby’s parents upstairs and then went back down to the basement to watch movies. Everything was perfect…until it wasn’t. Bobby and Reggie were sitting on the couch, Alex and Luke sitting with their backs against the front of the couch. Once their movie was over Alex crawled over to change it, because Luke “did it last time.” As he inserted the VHS his sweatshirt sleeve rode up and he scratched his wrist on Bobby’s wooden TV stand.

“Ow,” Alex fell backwards holding his wrist. He looked down and saw blood, not a lot, but enough to maybe need a band aid.

Luke crawled over to Alex and tried to grab his wrist. “Let me see it,” Alex covered it and pulled his arm away from Luke, standing up. “Seriously Alex. Just let me see it.”

Alex looked back at his wrist, angling it so no one could see it. He saw the cut from the TV stand, but also all the scars that littered his wrists. “No, Luke. I’m fine I promise.”

Luke nodded, “fine, fine. Bobby go get him a band aid or something.” Bobby got up and walked into the conjoined bathroom. Alex released his wrist from his own grip. That was when Luke pounced and grabbed Alex’s wrist “ah hah!” Before Alex could do anything, Luke was looking at his arm. His smile instantly faded, “Alex…” he looked up with his sad eyes, “what…why would you do this?”

Alex yanked his arm from Luke who easily gave it up. Reggie who was on the couch and Bobby who was standing the bathroom doorway looked at them confused. He pulled his sweatshirt sleeve down forcefully, “I told you I’m fine.”

Luke let out a pitiful laugh, “FINE?! Really Alex? Because I don’t think ‘fine’ people cut their wrists.” Alex saw Reggie and Bobby’s jaws drop. Alex gulped as all three of his best friends looked at him waiting for an explanation. Luke walked towards Alex, who was still holding his wrist, and tried to put a hand on his shoulder.

Alex flinched back, “please…don’t.” Alex begged quietly, as he lowered his eyes, so he was no longer looking at his friends, but at the floor. “I…” all of his friends were silent waiting for Alex to talk at his own pace. “You guys will hate me,” Alex felt the first of his tears slip out of his eyes. He reached up and wiped them away. He didn’t deserve to cry. He deserved to be hated. He looked back up and looked around the room at the three of them, “you’ll all hate me.” His voice cracked as he slumped against a wall.

Luke sat down next to Alex where he was on the floor and was quickly joined by Bobby on his other side and Reggie in front of him. “We could never hate you Alex,” Luke whispered as the other two agreed. “Please…please tell us what’s wrong.”

Alex began crying harder. Luke put his arm around him, but this time instead of pulling away he turned his face, so it was on Luke’s shoulder and let himself cry while Luke rubbed his back. Once his breathing had evened out, he pulled away from Luke and sat himself back up. “Sorry,” he wiped the tears off of his face.

Reggie shook his head, “dude, it’s ok. What is going on man? We love you.” Alex looked up at Reggie. His eyes and smile were always so genuinely kind, even when they had first met. He didn’t deserve that.

Alex lowered his head again, “I understand if…if once I tell you this you guys want me to leave, or never speak to me again. I understand.” His voice sounding thick. He could feel a new round of tears coming. All of the boys remained silent. “I’m…I’m not,” he let out a huff of breath, “I’m not normal.”

The three boys shared confused looks. “What…do you mean, Alex?” Bobby asked quietly from where he was sitting at his side.

Alex let out a shaky wet laugh, “I’m…I…I’m a fucking faggot.” Silence consumed the entire basement.

“What?” Luke sounded calm from where he was next to Alex. He must not have understood him.

Alex stood up and stepped over Reggie and Luke, so he was standing in the center of the room. “I’m a faggot, a fairy, a queer. I like boys. I think they’re cute,” he could feel himself getting worked up and the tears falling down his face. “I’m fucking disgusting, and…and I don’t deserve anything good to happen to me, ever,” he let out a quivering breath. “I’ve tried so hard…I just want to be normal.” He sat down on the couch behind him and put his face in his hands. “Why can’t I just be normal?” His voice was muffled, but all the boys heard him.

Alex heard them all stand. He lifted his head and saw them all standing staring at him. Luke took a step forward. Alex closed his eyes bracing for the punch that was surly going to come. But it never did. Instead all of a sudden, he had three pairs of arms wrapped around him. Alex began to cry again. They stayed like that was a couple minutes before eventually pulling away. Alex wiped his eyes.

Reggie sat on one side of him and Luke on the other, Bobby was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. Luke took one of Alex’s hands, “you really thought we were going to hate you?” Alex nodded without making eye contact. “Why…why would you think that?”

Alex let out a breathy laugh, “because, why wouldn’t you?” He pulled his hand from Luke. “It’s…wrong. Everyone thinks so.”

This time Reggie placed his arm around his shoulders, “Lex, we don’t care.” Alex looked up to meet Reggie’s eyes. “It’s not wrong dude. Whoever told you that is.” Luke and Bobby made noises of agreement.

“We would never look at you any differently,” Bobby placed a hand on Alex’s knee. He looked up at Bobby. “Ok?”

Alex sniffled, “are you sure?” He looked around at his friends, “Because I understand if you don’t like me anymore.” They all made positive remarks about still liking him.

Luke put his arm around Alex and pulled him into his side, “man, we don’t like you. We love you. You being gay would never change that.” Alex sunk into Luke’s embrace. All the boys fell asleep together in a pile of pillows and blankets that night.

\--

Alex eventually after many, many months of his friend’s love and support he stopped self-harming. His life was pretty solid for about 2 years after that. The band started getting bigger and bigger. They began to gain momentum, and started playing gigs almost every weekend, and sometimes weekdays. This displeased all of their parents, because their grades started to slip. None of them were failing or anything, but Alex and Bobby were no longer eligible for their honor classes. This caused a lot of tension in all of their households, which resulted in all of them pooling their gig money together and buying a “studio” (a garage someone was willing to sell to four teenagers.) Most nights of the week at least of the two of the four band members were staying there.

Alex was the one who went home the most, though. He loved his family more than anything in the world. His parents weren’t very happy about his declining grades, but they never told him to quit the band like Luke’s parents. Alex had an older brother, James, and a younger sister, Claire. He was close to both of his siblings, but in recent years he had grown closer to his sister. His brother was four years older than him, so he wasn’t around much anymore. His sister was three years younger than him, so they saw each other more often, but he loved them both.

Most nights he only went home to see his sister, because even though his parents were never outwardly rude about the band, the disappointment was in their voices. Tonight, though would change Alex’s life forever. It was around 6 when he got home (his mom had made him promise to at least be home for dinner of most weeknights). When he opened the door, his sister was bounding down the stairs and almost ran into him, “woooooah, squirt. Slow down.” Alex laughed as he caught his sister right before she could run him over. He pushed her towards the kitchen.

When they walked in both of his parents had been sitting at the table already, which was odd. His greetings were met with grunts and head nods. They’re dinner was full of awkward silences, in-between his parents asking Claire about her day. Alex felt himself getting nervous. They were ignoring him. After they were done, he went to stand up, “Alex can you sit back down? Your mother and I would like to talk to you. Claire you’re excused.” Claire gave Alex a look of worry, but he just smiled at her, assuring her everything would be ok, even though he was also unsure. She stood up and went to her room with one final look back at the table.

Alex was fiddling with his hands under the table, “so what’s up?” He had his eyes trained on his hands in his lap.

His father slammed something down on the table, causing Alex to flinch. He looked up and saw a magazine, but not just any kind of magazine…an adult magazine. An adult magazine meant for gay men. His eyes got wide as he tried to stay composed. “What’s that?” Alex managed to stutter out.

This caused his dad to slam his hands on the table this time, “cut the crap Alexander.” He gulped down a lump that was forming in his throat.

He lowered his eyes back to his lap, a tear fell from his eyes, landing on his hand. He hadn’t even noticed he had begun to cry. “I-“ he wiped at his nose, “I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. He knew his parents weren’t going to be ok with his sexuality, but he had hoped that maybe they would be. Those hopes were being crushed in this very moment.

He glanced up and saw his dad giving him a death glare, and his mom was crying. “Kathy (their housekeeper) was cleaning your room today. She found this under the mattress. Care to explain?” His dad was talking through clenched teeth.

Alex lowered his forehead to the table, “I can’t,” he choked out.

“Look at me when you’re talking to me, Alexander!” His dad stood up and slammed both of his hands on the table.

Alex sat back up, forcing eye contact with his dad, “I-I…can’t.” He glanced over at his mom, she instantly evaded his eyes, so he lowered his gaze to his lap once more.

His dad walked around the table and gripped Alex’s arm, definitely hard enough to leave bruises, and pulled him up. He got into Alex’s face, “what do you mean you can’t explain it?”

He moved his eyes to look at his dad. They were about the same height now, Alex may have been a bit taller even, but he had never felt so small around his dad. “I…I can’t give you…I can’t give you the answer you want.” He felt the tears still falling down his face as his dad released his arm and sat down in a chair defeatedly.

Alex sat down again too, staring at where his dad had put his elbows on the table and face resting in his hands. He let out a deep breath, “oh god, Alex.” He father groaned out and sat up. He ran a hand through his hair, “did someone hurt you?”

Alex was taken aback by the question, “wh-what?” Alex wiped at his eyes again. His mom moved to the seat next to him.

He turned to face her. She took his hands in hers and wiped a tear off of his face, “did somebody hurt you, baby?” Alex still looked confused at her, “there must be a reason you’re like this.” The disgust in her voice was incredibly present, though she tried to mask it by squeezing his hands.

He ripped his hands from her and stood up, “no. No one ‘hurt me.’ This is just…this is who I am.” In the blink of an eye his dad stood up and slammed Alex against the wall by the collar of his shirt.

Alex let out a small whimper, “don’t ever give your mother and I that attitude again, understood?” Alex nodded fervently. His dad tightened his grip, “you are not a faggot.” He slammed Alex against the wall on the last word.

Alex tried to catch his breath that had just been knocked out of him, “I’m sorry.” He croaked out. His dad slammed him against the wall again and let him go, causing him to fall to the floor. He pulled his knees into his chest, wrapped his arms around his legs, and put his face in his knees. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t want to be like this,” Alex sobbed out. “I tried. I promise. I did,” he continued to wail into his knees.

His dad gripped him by the arm again and pulled him up, “stop fucking crying like a goddamn queer!” His father yelled into his face and slapped him. Alex tried to suppress the sobs from leaving his throat, and started violently wiping at his eyes, willing them to stop. He dad brought him in closer, “you are such a fucking disappointment, Alexander.” His dad shoved him to the ground, he took one last look at him as he turned to walk away. He muttered, “fucking faggot,” under his breath and made his way up the stairs.

Alex watched as his mom looked at him on the floor, but stood up and fled the scene, leaving her son on the ground. He knew Claire had heard the screaming, maybe not what is was about, but she knew better than to come downstairs after one of dad’s blowups. He didn’t know what to do. Did he have a home anymore? He sat up against the wall wiping at his eyes for what felt like forever, until he heard footsteps coming downstairs. He sprung to his feet as his mom rounded the corner.

She stood a significant distance away from him, “your father and I agreed that you can continue to live here, but we cannot support that…lifestyle you have chosen. So, it will not be discussed, ever. Do you understand?” She was making minimal eye contact with him, only glancing over once she had finished.

Alex nodded slowly, “yeah.” His response was breathy, “thanks.”

His mom nodded curtly, “and you are not to speak a word of this to your sister.” Alex just nodded again. She made her way toward him and took his face between her hands, “we are doing this, because we love you. You know that, right?”

Alex looked down at his mom, she had some sort of form of love in her eyes. He nodded at her, “I know. I love you too.” She brought her lips to his forehead and kissed him gently.

She went in for a hug, which he reciprocated, “I’m sorry baby.” His tears started again. His mom pulled away and gave him a sympathetic look, “maybe you should stay somewhere else tonight. Give dad some time to cool off, yeah?” Alex nodded numbly at her. She smiled and made her way up the stairs.

He made his way quietly up the stairs, as he was packing a bag, he found his dad’s old spare straight razor. He picked it up slowly. He dropped his bag on the ground and sat on his bed. He opened it. One slice across his wrist, he had forgotten what it felt like, it hurt, but at the same time felt good. Three more, “worthless faggot,” he whispered to himself as he continued. After he had done quite the number on his arm he looked down. He was brought back to reality. He threw the razor across the room and began to press tissues on his arms.

He disposed of them, grabbed his bag and ran out of the house. He didn’t know where he was going, until he got there. He ended up outside Luke’s bedroom window. It was now around 10pm, which meant Luke was probably in his room for the night. He knocked on the window, no response, knocked again. This time he saw movement. The curtain was pulled back and window opened.

“Hey Alex, what’s up?” Luke’s smile faded as he noticed Alex’s tear stained face. He moved out of the way and gestured for Alex to climb in. He sat on his bed, “what’s going on?”

Alex dropped his bag and sat next to Luke, who threw an arm over him. “My parents…they found out…” the words got caught in his throat. “They found out I’m gay.” The flood gates opened again, “and my dad…my dad didn’t take it very well.” He had given up on stopping his tears, just letting them flow this time. “He called me…he called me…” the words getting caught in his throat.

Luke pulled his head into his chest, “it’s ok. I know. You’re not there anymore. You’re here.” He felt Alex nodding against him. He ran his fingers through Alex’s hair until he pulled away.

Alex wiped at his face, “sorry.” He took a deep breath, “they didn’t kick me out. My mom told me I should give my dad some cool off time, so I came here. I’m sorry.”

Luke wiped a tear away from Alex’s face, “don’t apologize, man. We’re best friends. I’m sorry they reacted like that. I know how important they are to you.” Alex looked at Luke and nodded as more tears fell. “Give them time. I’m sure they’ll eventually come around.” He patted his arm, Alex flinched. He looked up at Alex and then back at his arm. He pushed up Alex’s sleeve and saw the cuts, “oh Lex.” He hugged his friend tighter. “Next time just come to me, ok?”

Alex nodded again and snuggled closer into his best friend. Maybe Luke was right, though. His mom did say that they loved him, right? So, maybe they just need to time to think and adjust.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex thinks about that night a lot now. A lot of his tears when they were in the black room for 25 years stemmed from the fact that he and his family never made amends. Now he had a chance to go check up on them if he wanted to.

Alex thinks about that night a lot now. A lot of his tears when they were in the black room for 25 years stemmed from the fact that he and his family never made amends. Now he had a chance to go check up on them if he wanted to. He was scared though, what if they had just forgotten about him? What if they were happy he died, because it was easier? All these ‘what ifs’ running through his head.

“Alex,” he was shaken out of his thoughts by Reggie. He looked up and saw Reggie, Luke, and Willie all looking at him. “You good?”

Alex cleared his throat, “yeah…uh sorry. I was just…thinking.” He lowered his eyes to his hands.

“Lex,” it was Luke this time. He met his eyes, “are you thinking about them again?” Alex nodded his head. “You can go see them. They won’t even know.”

Willie raised his hand slightly, “I’m sorry, who are we talking about?” He looked between all three of the guys.

Alex grabbed Willie’s hand, “um, my family. Well, mostly my parents. My siblings and I weren’t on…horrible terms when I died…at least my sister and I weren’t.” Alex remembered when his brother found out.

_January 20, 1995_

Alex and James were watching a football game in their living room. James had decided to come visit for the weekend. Alex didn’t really like sports all that much, but he got to spend time with James, so he watched it with him. It was just the two of them, Claire at a friend’s house, and their parents at a church function.

It was all going really well, until one of the players got hurt and taken off the field on a stretcher. “What a fucking faggot. It didn’t even look like it hurt that much, fucking queer.” Alex flinched at each of his brother’s words. Alex never really wanted James to find out, because he didn’t want a bad reaction from his brother. But every time someone in the game did something wrong it was slur after slur.

Eventually, Alex lost it. “Can you not say that?” He gritted his teeth while looking at his brother.

James gave a small laugh, “what do you mean?” He turned to face Alex.

Alex ran a hand through his hair, “I mean calling everyone a ‘faggot’ or ‘queer’ or ‘fairy’. It’s not fucking cool.” Alex crossed his arms.

James sat back and crossed his arms too, game forgotten about. “Why do you care? You’re not a fucking queer.” Alex stayed silent and averted his eyes, “Alex, you’re not a queer, right?” He still didn’t answer him. His brother stood up, “goddammit Alex, fucking answ-“

Alex stood up and got in his brothers face cutting him off, “yeah, actually. I am. I’m a queer, a faggot, a fairy. I’m fucking gay, James.” He brother stared back at him.

His face twisted into one of disgust, “that’s fucking gross.” His brother pushed him back into the couch and stomped away. He heard him go up the stairs and come back down. When he re-entered the living room, he had his bag. “I can’t even look at you right now. You’re disgusting.” He grabbed his keys and marched out of the house.

Alex almost relapsed again that night, but his sister came home first and found him crying, which is when he told her, and he told her she couldn’t tell their parents that she knew. She just hugged him and reassured him of her love, she was the one family member Alex hadn’t been scared of telling for this exact reason.

Alex didn’t ever get to talk to James after that, because they avoided each other. Alex had also partially moved into the studio the summer they died, so he just didn’t get to see him. Not that they would have talked about it.

_Present Time_

After Alex was done explaining that to Willie, he had tears in his eyes. Ironically, Alex didn’t, he had mulled over his family’s rejection for long enough to kind of just get used to it. Alex wiped away one of Willie’s tears, “it’s ok.” He kissed Willie on the cheek.

Luke smiled at the two, “so you don’t want to go see them?”

Alex thought of a minute, “I mean, of course I want to see them. I guess I’m just scared,” They all nodded.

“What if we went with you?” Reggie offered.

Alex shook his head, “no, I think I need to do it alone.” Everyone nodded at him. “I just need to like prepare, so maybe tomorrow or something.” Reggie and Luke both gave him a knee slap, and Willie pulled him into a side hug.

The next day Luke and Reggie went out to do…well Alex didn’t know, but he’s sure they were up to no good. Alex decided that this was a good time to go see his estranged family. He got up and poofed over to where his old house was, and it was still there. Just like Alex remembered it. He poofed inside and sure enough his parents still lived here. He looked at the pictures on the walls and everyone looked so much older. His parents were probably in their sixties, his brother in his late forties, and sister in her late thirties. Both his brother and Sister were married, evidenced by the wedding photos on the wall.

He continued to walk around, he found his brother and sister’s addresses, so at least he could go there next if he wanted to. He walked around their house and found a school picture of him on the fridge, and the same one on the mantel. Alex had started losing hope, until he walked into their formal dining room. The room, as it turns out was no longer for dining.

When he opened the door the first thing, he saw was a set of his drums. As he looked around the room he saw more and more of his things. They had a ‘Sunset Curve’ poster on the wall, their album was on display the small side table that lived in the room. Right above his drums was the thing that made his eyes overflow with tears. Above his drums was a custom pride flag with two drumsticks crossed in the middle. He felt like he couldn’t breath (like figuratively). He was so happy. It might have taken him dying for his parents to get it, but they did. On the table next to their album was a picture. At first Alex couldn’t tell what it was, but he picked it up. It was a picture of his mom, dad, sister, and who he’s guessing is her husband at a pride parade. Willie had told him about those.

He couldn’t believe his parents, the people who called him the worst things in the world, made him feel worthless, made him hide who is, marched in a pride parade. He was getting choked up. He left the room before he could delve into it any farther. He went into his old room next, because he wondered what his parents did with it. It looked like it had been turned into a playroom, presumably for their grandchildren. The walls had been painted a bright yellow. In the corner was a play set of drums and on the front the ‘Sunset Curve’ logo was painted on. He couldn’t help but smile at that. After he left his house, he decided to try his sister’s.

She lived in an apartment across town. Upon entering he learn two things, her husband’s name was Chris, and they had a daughter named Kaylie. He made his way around the house, she had things up from ‘Sunset Curve’ but he has kind of expected that was her anyway. There was also a couple picture from their childhood on the walls. Some of all three of them, but some of just the two of them.

He made his way around and entered the master bedroom, nothing of interest there. The hallways had some family photos, kinda looked like she might be pregnant again, based off their being no second baby stuff, but maternity pictures with Kaylie in them. When he entered Kaylie’s room his heart almost stopped. Her room was all pink and princess themed, but above her princess themed bed was her name painted onto the wall in the most beautiful font. It was also painted a different color than the rest, ‘Kaylie Alexandra’. It was painted in a mint green color, which was Alex’s room color originally, and it was his favorite color. He hadn’t expected his sister to name her child after him, but it brought tears to his eyes.

He then headed to his brother’s house. He was most scared to go there, because they had left things on such a sour note. He arrived outside a two-story house in the valley. It was very James, traditional, exactly what you would expect. He went inside, and it was pretty much like the outside, clean, proper…perfect. James always was their perfect child. He walked around the house and found one picture of the two of them together, from Christmas when Alex was like 7.

Everything was exactly how he expected it. He didn’t expect James to have anything commemorating him, but it still hurt. He was about to give up when a picture magnetized to their fridge caught his eye. It was a picture of a kid, probably theirs probably around 7, sitting at his drum set that was in his parents’ former dining room. The picture had a frame around it that said, “Our Future Rockstar.” That didn’t surprise Alex that much. James was always supportive of his music dream. He smiled at that and made his way up the stairs.

There were pictures along the staircase, some of their wedding, some of their kids, some of all of them, nothing too special. He went into the first room, his daughter’s room he guessed. The walls were a lavender color, there were dress up dresses, and a fake makeup vanity. Alex walked over to the little desk that was in the corner. Two things drew his attention, there was a picture of his brother and one of his kids. It confused him though, because it definitely was not his daughter, based on the pictures in the hallway. It was his son, and he was in a dress.

So, his brother who called him disgusting, and didn’t speak to him after he came out, not only let his son paint his room lavender, and have a makeup vanity, but also let him wear dresses. Alex felt like he was gonna faint. His brother also looked overjoyed in the picture. He had the kid sitting on one of his shoulders and baby bag on the other. He was smiling largely, genuinely, and his son was wearing a dress. Alex smiled at that.

The other thing that caught his eye was a notebook on the desk. It was tucked under a small box. He pulled it out and read the front, ‘Property of Alexander Reed.’ All of a sudden Alex couldn’t see. His eyes had instantly filled with tears. He put down the notebook and sat on the child’s bed. His brother, named his son, after him. After he had collected himself, he made his way to the next room.

It was, actually, his daughter’s room this time. It was a standard little girl’s room. It was painted a pale yellow, with toys strewn about, and a little kitchen set in the corner. Her name was above her bed on a sign ‘Jillian Taylor’. There’s a picture hanging on the wall of all four of them. It was kind of creepy how much Jillian looked like her mother, and Alexander with his dad, he noticed after seeing them all together.

He then moved into his brother’s room; it was rather large. Big enough to have a whole ass couch in there and everything. It was a grey color with grey everything else, and blue accents. There were two pictures on the walls. One of the four of them, a formal picture. Alexander was wearing a dress in that as well, it was a pretty adorable picture, if not a little outdated, since Jillian appeared to be an actual infant there. The other picture hung opposite that one.

He walked over and it was every member of his family, mom, dad, James and family, and Claire and family. It was taken the same day as the pride parade picture his parents had. James had Alexander on his shoulders who was in an amazing rainbow skirt and white shirt. He hadn’t been able to read the shirts at his parents’ house, because it was a close up, but here he could. His mom, dad, sister, and brother were wearing shirts that said, ‘mom hugs,’ ‘dad hugs,’ ‘sister hugs,’ and ‘brother hugs’ respectively. Both spouses wearing generic ‘ally’ shirts. The two little girls were wearing matching rainbow dresses, with glitter on their faces.

Alex smiled at the photo. He was so incredibly happy, but he was also a little angry. He was so happy his family had changed their views and became better, more accepting people, but they weren’t for him. His sister was always wonderful and supportive, and he’s sure she had something to do with their views changing. Everyone else was horrible to him. He never got mom, dad, or brother hugs after he came out. Seriously the last time his mom hugged him was the day he came out; he couldn’t remember his dad’s or brother’s.

Maybe, it was selfish of him to think like that. He should be happy they changed at all, but it took him DYING to get them to realize that maybe gay people were actually people too. He wanted to be mad at them for not loving him when he was alive. He wanted to be mad at his brother who now unquestionably supports his son who wear’s dresses but called him disgusting when he came out. He wants to be mad at his parents who are now giving out ‘mom hugs’ and ‘dad hugs’ at a pride parade but couldn’t give them to their own son when he needed them. He wanted to be so mad…but he couldn’t be.

He still loved his family more than anything. Even when they weren’t supportive of him, he still loved them. His brother didn’t talk to him for seven months before he died, and he still loved him. So, even though his family might not have actually loved him for who he was when he was alive, at least they did now. It was something, and who knows, maybe if he had lived, they would have eventually grown into the people they are. Alex had tears in his eyes as he tried to commit the photo to memory forever before going back to Julie’s.

When he popped back in, Luke, Reggie, Willie, and Julie were all standing in the garage. “Holy shit man, where the hell have you been? We were about to send out a search party.”

Alex looked up at them with tears still in his eyes, “I went to my family’s houses.” They all gave him sad looks, because well he was crying. “They named their kids after me. Claire and James did,” he smiled. Feeling himself getting worked up in the best way he continued to recount his day to everyone. “Claire’s daughter’s name is Kaylie Alexandra, and James’ son’s name is Alexander. Alexander wears dresses. James Reed let’s his son wear dresses.” Luke and Reggie’s jaws dropped.

Alex nodded, “I know, but it get’s better. My parents turned our dining room into a room for my stuff, my drums, our album, our poster, everything.” He had tears running down his face. Willie walked over and put his arm around Alex’s waist. “The best part, they all go to pride parades.” Luke and Reggie continued to look shocked. “Mom, dad, James, and Claire all have shirts that say, ‘mom hugs’ ‘dad hugs’ ‘sister hugs’ and ‘brother hugs.” Alex was essentially sobbing at this point.

Willie led him to the couch and sat down. “At first I was mad, because everyone, except Claire, didn’t accept me when I was alive,” they all nodded. “But, they’re better people now. James lets his son wear dresses and he looks happy about it. Mom and dad got a custom pride flag with drumsticks crossed in the middle. I can’t be mad, because I’m so glad they changed. I just wish they knew that I forgave them all. I love them all so much.”

Willie kissed him on his forehead, “I’m glad you’re happy.” He smiled at his boyfriend who had such a kind smile. He looked up at his friends and saw a family right in front of him. He might not have his biological family anymore, because he’s dead, but he definitely still has a family.


End file.
